So you'd think that after travelling the world, after sucessfully navigating all sorts of strange environments, customs and languages that simple communications with an english-speaking population* here in Ireland would be a breeze.

Well, you've got another thing coming.

Even excluding the indecipherable accents of people from farms in County Roscommon and neighborhoods in north Dublin city, the english language fell upon some strange and rocky shores when it crossed the Irish Sea. Here are some of the conversational hurdles that still sometimes throw us for a loop:

The gasping - When an Irishman sharply inhales in the middle of a conversation as if he's startled . . . he's not. That's just his way of agreeing with what you're saying.

The head wag - when an Irishman passes you on the street and quickly wags his head as if to say "no," he's just saying "hi." In California, someone could nod their head quickly as if to say "yes" to obtain the same effect there.

"Bog" - Lavatory/toilet. You also need to be careful not to ask for the "restroom" when you really need to use the bathroom. By the time they've sorted out that you didn't say "restaurant" or something else, it may be too late . . .

"Chin wag" - Conversation

"Chips" - French Fries (see "crisps")

"Craic" - Pronounced "crack," this word pops up so frequently it can be dizzying, usually in the following ways:

What's the craic?
How's the craic?
We'll go for the craic.
He/she is good craic.
The craic was mighty!

To the californian ear it sounds like people are discussing their drug use, but "craic" is an Irish noun meaning "fun" or "happenings."

"Crisps" - Potato chips

"Fanny" - Never use this word in polite company as it does NOT mean your gluteous maximus out here.

"Feck" - It may seem a bit shocking at first, but the "e" in this word allows it to be used freely in most social situations and on broadcast radio . . . unlike the word from which it's derived.

"Mobile" - Pronounced "MOE - bile," this is your cell phone.

"homely" - Does not mean "ugly," it means comfortable and hospitable.

"Rubber" - The eraser on a pencil. No kidding.

"So, come here to me" - This doesn't mean the person speaking would like a hug, it means, "So listen . . ." This is how the Irish sometimes begin a question.

"We'll meet for a few jars" - This is an invitation to meet at the local pub for a few drinks.

"You know yourself" - This phrase is dropped into Irish conversation as often as "you know" is dropped into Californian conversation. It means either "you know," or "it's up to you."

Just like the U.S., the official language of Ireland is not English. Unlike the U.S., Ireland actually has its own native language. Thing is, over 100 years ago the genocidal Oliver Cromwell invaded Ireland and made speaking Irish illegal - on pain of death. It was a persuasive policy that killed a lot of people and almost made Irish a dead language. Today, Irish is hardly spoken anywhere . . . only a very few people in western areas still use Irish as their primary language.

Despite this, the government of Ireland is doing their best to revive the language. All road signs and legal documents are printed in Irish. To be hired into a civil job (even teaching) you must prove you can speak Irish. All citizens are guaranteed by law to be able to conduct any official business in the Irish language, it's a compulsory subject in schools and there are even high-budget television and radio stations broadcasting exclusively in Irish (there is a startlingly good Irish-overdubbed version of The Muppet Show, if you can imagine!).

Some common words we use everyday are actually Irish:

potion, brat, galore, whiskey, hooligan, crag, shenanigans, cross ("angry"), gab ("talk," as in "gift of the gab") . . . and so on.

Irish isn't a simple language. Supposedly, it's one of the most difficult languages in the world to master as a second language. Entomologically, it belongs with Scotch-Gaelic and Manx in the family of Gaelic languages (Welsh, Cornish and Breton are the three other celtic languages, but are considered related to Gaelic rather than Gaelic-derived). Most people in people in Ireland would also acknowledge that the Irish spoken in southern Ireland is very different than the Irish spoken in the North. Likewise, significant differences exist between the eastern and western Irish dialects.

In all, the Irish government has their work cut out for them, not just in encouraging the use of an almost dead language, but in coming up with a standardized version of the language that all current speakers would give credence to. As for us, we have a difficult enough time just making out what the farmers from Roscommon are saying.